Golf

  HOME ON THE RANGE (Dated 25 January 2017)     Hit the range again today (Session 16) in preparation for my debut in competition at Fox Hills in a few weeks. After all, I don't want to play like an arsehole even though I play like an arsehole....if you get my drift.   It's been a few months since I visited the range so I wasn't expecting anything grand. As usual, I started with the 9 iron and hit a few half shots to limber up. Shit! These half shots were going close to 100m on the fly. Now my previous 'gold' standard was achieving 100m with 'full' 9 irons. My third half swing actually saw the ball crash into the 100m marker.   With chest inflated, I then delivered the full 'Regan' swing to the next seven balls.............. 110m, 130m, 120m, 30m (I topped it), 125m, 135m and 120m. It must be the new golf shoes. Yeah, that's it........the shoes. Hell.....and no-one's even on the bottom deck to witness this clinic th...

THE DELICATE TRANSITION FROM THE RANGE TO THE COURSE (Dated 14 February 2017)    First game today at the new club. One thing I'd forgotten with all my visits to the range over the last year was bloody divots. When you're using the mats, there's no such thing as divots.   Anyway, there's a bit of a crowd of waiting golfers at the first tee and my turn comes up to hit off. With what memory I could muster, I go over in my head how to hit the fuckin' pill and not make a goose of myself in front of the small gathering.   I quickly decide on the glorious full swing option and engage the complete Regan arc. With an audible thud, the driver sort of makes contact with part of the ball and a huge clod of earth is launched in the rough direction of Toongabbie. The divot finally meets the ground again about thirty metres up the fairway whilst my ball rolls to a stop some ten metres behind it.   

  FOX HILLS CENTRAL       Anyone stupid enough to be following my updates will notice that I've transferred the re-energised golf 'fix' from the range to the course over the last few months. I'm now a member of Fox Hills and, after fronting up with the annual subs, I can play whenever I want, which is very good. I try to squeeze in two or three games a week, weather permitting.   Unfortunately, the status of my game hasn't shown the improvement one would expect with increased turf time. Shots from tee to green are highly erratic, around the greens pretty good but 'fuck awful' on the putting surfaces.   There have been a couple of unexpected occurrences since joining. The course seems to be a mecca for fuckin' crows and these bastards take great delight in commandeering your pill even when it's power napping in the middle of the fairway. I hit an uncharacteristic corker off the first tee today and strode triumphantly down to...