APOCALYPSE NOW- THE FUCKIN' 16th



As I reflect on my return to ‘course’ golf over 2017, one thing stands out…..the fucked 16th hole at Fox Hills. Measuring 372 metres from tee to green, it’s a longish ‘4’ that I’ve only parred on three occasions in well over fifty attempts. In fact, in all those games my pill has been sitting on the green in two just once and that was when a gale was blowing at my back.

I’m a pretty ordinary golfer but you’d think that achieving a regulation ‘4’ should be much easier than my history indicates. None of this made sense until I found out that Joseph ‘Little Joe’ Conrad and Francis Ford Coppola were both on the green-keeping staff at F.H.G.C. when it first opened way back in the 1950s.

According to my intelligence, the ‘Labyrinth’ (the 16th’s popular nickname) was fashioned on the course of the Nung River in Cambodia and the rough and tight tree borders were meant to resemble the surrounding jungle environment. Coppola was keen to release a couple of tigers into these areas to further bolster the penalties for a poorly positioned drive but that was overturned by the Greens Committee at the time.

By contrast, ‘Little Joe’ was far more philosophical in his appraisal of the hole. ‘We live for the 16th………. may it play as long as the old golf ball keeps rolling. But darkness was here yesterday……….. so we allowed temporary preferred lies.’

None of this background information has assisted me in my continuing battle with the fucked 16th. My own summation of its relative worth is best described by the feeling that overwhelms me whenever I step onto the tee at the bastard………. ‘The horror! The horror!’

Comments

  1. John Twohill2 January 2018 at 13:56

    Past colleagues reel in horror when I respond "Never" to their question "How often do you play golf?". Paul, Your experiences reinforce my turpitude.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Paul Regan8 January 2018 at 21:34

    I'm with you, John.

    ReplyDelete

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